⚔ How Smokey Fights — Combat Flow

Follow these steps on Smokey's turn — in order

1
Check Spotlight Charges
2 per Long Rest. Maximum 3 total ever. DM-awarded only. At 0 charges, Smokey is flavor only: zero mechanical impact, no rolls, no forced bit.
2
Choose One Action Layer
AssistGive an ally Advantage on a CHA-based roll. Costs 1 Spotlight Charge.
Ability CardSpend 1 Charge to activate Off-Key Encouragement, Rambling Wisdom, Background Chaos, or Legendary Bit rules.
Smokey Moment™DM approval required. Costs 1 Charge. Cannot solve the encounter alone.
3
Resolve The Bit Cleanly
Off-Key Encouragement may grant +1d4, Advantage on a minor check, or remove a minor fear/hesitation. The drawback is always social, emotional, or timing-based confusion.
4
Roll Gag Check If Required
Mandatory after Off-Key Encouragement or a Smokey Moment™. On a 6, Legendary Bit may trigger. Cannot be forced. DM controls the outcome entirely.
5
Apply Weird Toolkit Separately
The StareAction · 30ft · DC 12 WIS or 1d4 psychic + Disadvantage on next attack.
The BrayAction · 1/LR · All allies within 60ft gain Bardic Inspiration d6.
Wandering ObstructionReaction · 1/Combat · Move 5ft when adjacent attack occurs; if in path, attacker rerolls.

📊 Session Tracker

Click pips to set — state saves automatically in this browser

Spotlight Charges0 / 2
Primary Smokey resource. Resets on Long Rest. Max 3 only if DM awards the extra charge.
Gag Check0 / 6
Use as a quick d6 result tracker when a bit requires the roll. A 6 may trigger Legendary Bit.
Wandering Luck0 / 3
Daily narrative luck / coincidence pool. DM-controlled and never guaranteed.
Crew Morale0 / 5
Optional table tracker for emotional support, comfort scenes, and successful morale bits.

⚓ Ship Role — Mascot / Bard

Station: Everywhere · Function: keep morale from collapsing

🎭 Smokey At The Table — Role & Identity

Smokey is not a combat character. He is not intended to scale. He is permanently hard-capped at Bard 3, his bounty is ฿69,420 forever, and his best moments should feel accidental even when the mechanics are real.

The core rule: Smokey supports the crew. He does not replace the crew. When Smokey does something important, it should feel like the universe briefly gave up arguing with him.

Use Smokey for comic relief, morale support, strange clues, accidental solutions, and emotional decompression.
Do not let Smokey become the primary roller on major social checks. He assists. He does not take the scene.
Legendary Bit cannot be engineered. The moment the table tries to force it, it stops being one.
The humor works best when the DM narrates Smokey completely straight.

🌀 Haki

No Haki. Smokey is a donkey. Haki is not available. This is final.

📋 Your Rules

Hard Limits
• Bard 3. Hard cap. Forever. Does not level.
• Bounty ฿69,420. Never changes. We have stopped trying.
• Cannot overshadow player characters in mechanical or narrative moments.

Spotlight Charge Rules
• 2 charges per Long Rest. Max 3. DM-awarded only.
• At 0 charges: zero mechanical impact. Pure flavor.
• Charges do not carry over between sessions.

Gag Check
• Mandatory after Off-Key Encouragement or any Smokey Moment™.
• On a 6: Legendary Bit triggers. DM controls outcome entirely.
• Cannot be engineered. The moment you try, it stops working.

🛡 Gear — Current Loadout

⚙ Gear & Abilities

Hooves — Attack
ATK: 1d8+2 bludgeoning. On hit: DC 11 STR save or knocked prone.

Silver Tongue — Passive
On any Persuasion or Deception check: treat any d20 roll of 9 or lower as a 10. Always active.

Unsettling Words — Bonus Action
Expend 1 Bardic Inspiration die. One creature within 60ft subtracts the number rolled from their next attack roll or saving throw.

Bardic Inspiration — Bonus Action
Give one creature within 60ft a Bardic Inspiration die (d6) to add to one check, attack, or save within 10 minutes. Uses: CHA modifier per Long Rest.

Off-Key Inspiration (Brayshamisen · 1/turn)
When an ally rolls: add 1d4. Must announce it dramatically and embarrassingly.

Ancient Bray (Brayshamisen · 1/LR)
Creatures within 30ft: WIS save or Frightened or Confused until end of next turn.

🤝 Crew Synergy

Smokey is support, not spotlight

Finn: Smokey fuels gambling confidence and makes bad plans feel emotionally supported.
Manju: Smokey can sometimes redirect the monster. Sometimes.
Atsusato: One of the few people Smokey treats with complete seriousness.
Rokuji: Smokey remembers quiet things about the captain that nobody else noticed.

🃏 Cards — Click to View Full Size

11 cards · click any to expand

Smokey D. Ass — Core Companion CardSmokey D. Ass — Core Companion Card
Rambling Wisdom — Smokey AbilityRambling Wisdom — Smokey Ability
Wandering Minstrel Pack — Smokey GearWandering Minstrel Pack — Smokey Gear
Background Chaos — Smokey PassiveBackground Chaos — Smokey Passive
Brayshamisen — Smokey WeaponBrayshamisen — Smokey Weapon
Off-Key Encouragement — Smokey AbilityOff-Key Encouragement — Smokey Ability
Legendary Bit — Smokey SpecialLegendary Bit — Smokey Special
Wandering Minstrel Pack — Full ReferenceWandering Minstrel Pack — Full Reference

📖 Timeskip Arc

The Treasurer of Mellowhaven

It began with a fish.

Smokey arrived in Mellowhaven on a Tuesday — or what passed for Tuesday in a port town where most people had lost track of the week — with a pipe that needed tobacco and a pack that needed restocking and no particular plan beyond those two things. He was not looking for trouble. He was looking for dried goods at a reasonable price, which in Mellowhaven was a more complicated proposition than it sounded, because Mellowhaven had a governance problem.

The previous Treasurer had fled with the trade fund fourteen days before Smokey arrived. The Acting Governor — a man named Cresthal who wore his authority like clothing that didn't quite fit — was in the process of conducting an emergency financial summit in the town hall. The emergency financial summit had been going for six days without resolution, because everyone in Mellowhaven with an opinion about civic finance had been invited, and it turned out that was most of Mellowhaven.

Smokey wandered in to get out of the rain.

He found a seat at the back, lit his pipe, and listened. Not with particular interest — he was waiting for the rain to stop — but he was listening, which put him ahead of most of the room, where people were primarily waiting for other people to stop talking so they could talk. The problem, as far as he could gather, was that the trade fund had been misappropriated in a specific and recoverable way that nobody was willing to say out loud because saying it out loud would require acknowledging that three of the current room's most prominent citizens had facilitated it.

He was not a political animal. He was not an economist. He was a donkey with a pipe that had finally found its tobacco.

He raised one hoof.

The story he told lasted forty-five minutes and was, by objective measure, about clouds. It concerned a specific weather pattern he had allegedly observed while sailing through a stretch of water he described in navigational terms that sounded authoritative and were entirely invented. The weather pattern, per the story, had caused a very similar financial situation in a port whose name he couldn't remember precisely. The resolution of that situation had involved a public accounting by the three parties responsible, because the alternative — as the story demonstrated through a long digression about the structural integrity of ships in crosswinds — was worse for everyone, including the three parties.

The room was quiet when he finished.

One of the three prominent citizens cleared his throat and began to speak.

The accounting took four hours. The fund was recoverable within a fortnight. Two of the three citizens paid it back; the third left town, which was also a resolution of a kind.

Cresthal looked at Smokey when it was over with the expression of a man who had just watched something happen that he couldn't explain. "How did you know?"

Smokey considered this. "About what?"

"About the three of them."

"I didn't," Smokey said, which was entirely true. He'd been talking about clouds.

What happened next was a failure of institutional imagination. Mellowhaven, grateful and slightly embarrassed by its own gratitude, held an emergency vote on who should hold the Treasurer position until proper elections could be organized. The vote was not supposed to be for Smokey. It became for Smokey somewhere in the middle when someone pointed out that the only person in the room who had no financial interest in the outcome was the one who had arrived this morning and didn't appear to know what town he was in.

He received eleven votes. This was a plurality.

He held the position for nine days. During those nine days, he established the trade fund repayment schedule, mediated two disputes about dock usage rights, and accidentally acquired a reputation for financial wisdom that spread to three neighboring islands through the mechanism of people telling stories that were more flattering than the source material.

The Marine patrol ship that picked up the Cipher Pol report fourteen days later filed it under local governance anomaly and noted that no further action appeared warranted.

He was gone by then. He'd been gone on day ten, when the proper Treasurer candidate had been identified and the elections were scheduled and there was nothing left that required him specifically.

He did not take the title with him. It didn't work that way. But the reputation preceded him through three islands and eventually filtered back through Marine correspondence channels to the crew's general area, where someone would eventually read a report that said subject: Smokey D. Ass and wonder how any of this was real.

The child in the fishing village came a month later — a girl, seven years old, who hadn't spoken since something had happened that the village didn't discuss with outsiders. Smokey stayed two weeks because the dried fish in that village was genuinely excellent and the weather was favorable and there was a comfortable spot on the pier that got afternoon sun.

He didn't do anything, specifically. He was there. He played the Brayshamisen badly each evening, which the village tolerated with the resigned patience of people who had dealt with worse. He told stories. He ate fish. He was a donkey on a pier with a pipe and a pack full of things that had been given to him by people who needed less than they thought.

On the evening of the thirteenth day, the girl sat down next to him on the pier.

On the morning of the fourteenth day, she said something to her father. He didn't hear what it was. He was already breaking camp.

He was gone by the time the village noticed the change.

He never mentioned it to anyone. It didn't require mentioning. It had happened and that was sufficient and some things were only valuable if they stayed the size they were.

He walked up the gangplank at reunion. Sat on the deck. Said something in the tone of a man who had been away for a weekend.

Nobody asked where he'd been.

Bon was very glad to see him. Didn't say so.

Smokey knew.

The pipe — Viktor's pipe, the new one with brass fittings and purple smoke — was already lit before he sat down. Viktor had spent three weeks on it. It was just a pipe. Smokey had not broken the previous one. Viktor had simply wanted to make it, and the reasons people make things are their own business.

The pipe stayed lit.

That, in the end, was the whole story.